Broken Families

Have you noticed how much we gravitate toward messages that promise insights on building a "better family"? But often, by "better family," we mean we want to be like that family. You know the one—the family that walks into church every week with matching clothes, bright smiles, and a picture-perfect vibe, ready to worship Jesus. Meanwhile, you’re silently wondering if all your kids are fully dressed and hoping they at least remembered their shoes.

Here’s the truth about comparing yourself to "that" family: it’s a trap. It’s the same trap social media sets for us. Years ago, I shared an illustration that’s as relevant today as ever. Let me share it again.

We have a family photo that hung on the wall for years. It was an amazing photo—one of those photos that people would stop and look at and comment on how everyone is so “picture perfect.” I always had to tell them that what I love most about this picture is the set of pictures that came before it—the outtakes we don’t hang on the wall. These pictures show the chaos, the tears, and the less-than-perfect moments. Those are the real story. That photo, in particular, had a series of 7 previous photos involving my son picking his nose and me reaching across children to argue with him as to why this was not the time nor the place. The series of photos is priceless!

When you walk into the store or church and see "that perfect family" or scroll through social media and feel like a parenting failure, remember: there were countless messy moments before the one picture-perfect moment that made it to Instagram. I know this because we’re all messed up. Every one of us. Nobody gets it right all the time. No family has unlocked the secret to perpetual happiness and harmony. Why? Because we’re all human, and we’re all broken.

Brokenness in Families

God’s design for the family starts with Genesis 2:18: “It is not good for man to be alone.” From the beginning, God created the family as a reflection of His love and a means for children to learn about Him. But as we all know, Genesis 3 happens. Eve is deceived, Adam follows, and their sin ushers in a brokenness that affects all of humanity. This brokenness taints everything, including our families.

Every family has brokenness. For some of us, it’s subtle; for others, it’s painfully obvious. Maybe you stumbled onto this post hoping no one discovers just how broken your family is. If that’s you, hear this: you are not alone. The Bible itself is filled with broken families, even among its most celebrated figures:

• Adam and Eve raised the world’s first murderer.

• Noah got drunk and cursed his son.

• Abraham fathered a child with his wife’s servant out of impatience.

• Jacob’s favoritism led his sons to sell their brother Joseph into slavery.

• King David committed adultery, orchestrated a murder, and had a dysfunctional family.

Even Jesus’ earthly family wasn’t perfect. Remember when Mary and Joseph accidentally left Jesus behind for three days? Brokenness is everywhere, and it’s been that way since the fall.

Lessons from Broken Families

After decades of counseling families, I’ve learned a few things about brokenness:

1. Broken Families Rarely Look Broken

   
   

   Brokenness isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it creeps in so subtly that we don’t even recognize it. Other times, we’re just good at hiding it. We put on masks, act like everything’s fine, and strive to appear "put together." But Jesus reminds us in Matthew 9:12-13 that He came not for the righteous, but for sinners. God isn’t impressed by our polished façades; He desires our hearts.

2. Broken Families Regularly Produce Brokenness

   
   

   Sin has a ripple effect. Romans 5:12 explains that sin entered the world through one man and spread to all humanity. Unaddressed brokenness in one generation often carries over into the next. Patterns like poor communication, unresolved conflict, and unhealthy relationships can shape how children interact with the world.

Hope for Broken Families

So where’s the hope? If sin and brokenness have permeated every family since Genesis 3, what can we do? The answer lies in the Gospel. The Gospel isn’t just a "get out of hell free card." It’s the good news that God’s grace meets us in our brokenness and begins the work of restoration.

Three Truths About God’s Grace:

1. God’s Grace Is Offered

   
   

   Ephesians 2:8-9 tells us that grace is a gift, freely offered by God. He stepped into our mess through Jesus, offering us hope and redemption.

2. God’s Grace Is Active

   
   

   Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” God doesn’t just offer grace from a distance; He’s actively involved in our lives, guiding us through His Word and through His Spirit.

3. God’s Grace Is Sufficient

   
   

   In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Paul reminds us that God’s grace is enough, even in our weakest moments. It’s enough to heal, restore, and sustain us.

If your family is broken, here are some questions to reflect on:

1. Do you need to take off your mask and admit your struggles?

2. What areas of life do you need to surrender to God’s grace?

3. Are you willing to learn and grow, breaking unhealthy patterns?